Blame Game!

Every one of us shall give account of himself. Romans 14:12 Take responsibility for your own life. Every one shall carry their own loads. Galatians 6: 5

This household loves college football, and we love Saturdays duirng the fall when we can gather on the deck and cheer on our favorite (Bulldogs) team. The University of Georgia has been fortunate to have some long time winning coaches such as Vince Dooley, Mark Richt, and now Kirby Smart! I’ve no idea how their styles of coaching compare, but I know that each of them has taken the guys on their respective teams and helped bring out the best in each of them.

A couple of weeks ago when UGA was playing South Carolina, we were taken aback that South Carolina was leading 14-3 at halftime. I mean, UGA is #1 in the country! We all know that halftime is just that, and we know that the game is far from over, but it was totally unexpected.

The next week, I saw some pictures and a write up about the frustration of the coaches on the Georgia sideline. It was obvious that there was a lot of frustration and the blame for the sub par performance seemed to be passing from one coach to the other. As the team left the field for the locker room, someone asked Coach Smart, “What will you say in the locker room since the team is performing so poorly?” In other words, “Who gets the blame?”

Fortunately, it went on to say that on the way to the locker room, the team psychologist (who knew a team has a psychologist?) pulled Coach Smart aside and said, “Remember the only way you get 14 points back is to take it play by play.” I translate this into, “Let’s not play the blame game, but rather get the team back to basics.”

Obviously that is great advice not just for football but for life as well. While parenting and teaching kindergarten I learned that kids instinctively play the blame game. Anytime we had an incident and I asked the question, “OK, who started it?” The answer was always the same, “The other one did!”

It’s easy in this life to shift the blame when things don’t go according to plan. Instead of taking responsibility for our decisions and actions, we begin to shift the blame to others. For example, My business would have succeeded if the bank had loaned me more money..I wanted to give more to the church, but my spouse wouldn’t let me..I would be doing great if the doctor hadn’t botched the operation..This team would be winning if we had better assistant coaches! We tend to blame our circumstances for our character deficiences on others.

The problem with blame game shifting is that it stops us from taking constructive action and moving on with our lives. Psychologist Dr. Brenda Shoshanna observes: “Each person you blame is holding on to a piece of your personal power and self respect. Taking responsibility for what’s happening in your life is one of the most empowering things you can do. New choices become availabe…your anger is redirected..you see people and events with new eyes. Remember, responsibility can also be read as response-ability, the ability to respond instead of reacting.”

We will probably never know what happened in that Georgia locker room at halftime, but I have to believe the blame game was probably not a method. When I was growing up, we had a saying, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” meaning it is much more effective to be positive and affirming than negative and demanding. What I do know is that the second half Georgia put 21 points on the board and held South Carolina on defense to win the game.

When we constantly blame others for the things that don’t turn out as we had planned, it makes us appear weaker rather than stronger. It takes strength to admit that everyone involved played a part, and the blame should be shared. Otherwise, we begin to think we are the strong one and everyone else is flawed. When we stop blaming others, we develop compassion, and we begin to realize that mistakes are natural and inevitable. They can always be corrected.

It can be really intimidating to take charge of our life, but when it comes to God there’s no wiggle room as far as his word is concerned. In Romans we find these words, “Every one of us shall give an account of himself.” God would have us step out in faith, take responsibility, and with His help, take the next step toward eliminating the blame game in our lives.