Friendship!

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

In his book, The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis writes the following about Friendship. “In a perfect friendship, appreciative love is often so great and so firmly based, that each member of the circle feels in his secret heart humbled by the rest. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. He is lucky to be in such company especially when the whole group is together watching each one bringing out what is the best, wisest, or funniest in all of the others. Those are the golden sessions when four or five of us have come to our “inn” after a hard day’s walk; when our slippers are on; when our feet are spread out toward the blaze, and a drink is at our elbows; when the whole world and something beyond the world opens itself to our minds as we talk. No one has any claim or any responsibility for another, but all are free men and equal as if we had first met an hour ago. At the same time an affection mellowed by the years enfolds us. Life, natural life, has no better gift to give. Who could have deserved it?”

In 1976 Randy and I took our first appointment as minister in charge of a church congregation. We were assigned to a two point United Methodist circuit in the small town of Newborn, Georgia, and we served that church as well as the Starrsville church which was about ten miles away. We arrived that June with a three month old baby, our dog, Chief, and our few personal belongings to move into the parsonage there. There was no church staff, no church office, and no secretary. The office became a room in our parsonage, the staff became volunteers, and the secretary’s position was left to me! Randy preached at both churches every Sunday and alternated times at each.

We had always had friends from our respective home towns, college, and our first appointment, but it was here in this small community that we really learned the value of friends and friendship. In this parsonage with no air conditioning, no dishwasher, and none of the conveniences to which we were accustomed, we learned what it’s like to have people there to help in every situation and love you no matter what. We also learned to make do with what God provided and to trust Him for all we needed.

These families made us a part of their family and included us in all their celebrations. People visited on our front porch after leaving us fresh vegetables from their garden. They were encouragers, supporters, and confidants. The women of the church helped us get a fresh look to our parsonage, while the men worked on repairing the roof and chimney in our new home. Volunteers worked on every church project, and the bonds of friendship here were strong and lasting.

We served and loved in this community for two years, and when we left, the ladies of the church made a friendship quilt with the names of each family of the church included. I had an occasion to pull out that quilt lately and all the names and memories came flooding back. It made me stop and give thanks for all the wonderful friendships which have come into our lives over these many years.

This brought two questions to my mind. First, what makes a good friend? Next, what qualities allow a friendship to survive over time? In my mind, there are two qualities which permanently cement any friendship; honesty and loyalty.

Honesty is the quality which a real friend exhibits consistently. They may upset us sometimes by telling us the truth, but he or she will be honest nonetheless. A friend may not always tell us what we want to hear, but if they truly love us, they will tell us what we need to hear. In the short run, it may hurt, but in the long run it will only help.

There are two questions to ask the other person. First, can I trust you to be totally honest with me? Secondly, can I be totally honest with you? Only a true friend can expect and survive such mutual honesty.

Loyalty is the next quality. Proverbs 18:24 says “There is a friend which sticks closer than a brother.” The word stick refers to how skin sticks to the bone, and it is a poignant picture of how closely knit one friend should be to the other. Loyalty is the one thing that one friend should never have to question about the other. A true friend will always be your defense attorney before he or she becomes your judge. There is no such thing as a fair weather friend. We don’t need friends in fair weather, we need them when the weather gets nasty. It is said that a fair weather friend is no friend at all.

All these years later, we are so grateful for our friends; past, present, and future. What would our life be without each of you which we are so privileged to call friends? In the words of C.S. Lewis, “Who could have deserved it?”