Not Me, But Thee

Never doubt God’s timing for events in your life. Your days are ordered by Him. Psalm 139:16 paraphrased

What did 1972 look like in America? It was the year that The Godfather movie was released, Nixon was president, the Watergate Scandal began, the War in Vietnam continued, Jane Fonda visited North Vietnam, Bobby Fischer became the first American chess champion, The Price is Right game show debuted on TV, the stock market broke 1000 points, and we got married.

It’s interesting to compare us with couples of today who seem to have lucrative jobs when they marry, have a financial plan, know where they want to be in ten years, and have a road map for their life. We began marriage with a red VW, an awful upstairs apartment, seminary and a construction job for Randy, and a teaching job for me. Other than that, we had no job description for what we would be required to do during our marriage for the ministry or for life in general.

Every marriage starts out with the hope to be “perfect”, and I must confess that I was certain ours would be! Now I know that there is really no such thing as the perfect marriage, couple or person. The visions of bliss can turn swiftly into reality, and it takes true love and commitment to see it through.

Looking back, it’s easy to see that there are stages of marriage just like stages of development, grief, or growth. Randy likes to say that marriage went from romance to reality when I insisted that he carry me up the 20 steep steps to our apartment upon the return from our honeymoon. It’s tradition – deal with it!

Romance may bring two people together, but unselfish love keeps them together. Each person has to be willing to be a giver rather than a taker in order to make the marriage work. It takes a lot of teamwork to succeed, just like the empty container – you put nothing in, you get nothing out.

The first year of our marriage was spent with school work, adjustment to married life, and typing papers into the wee hours of the morning. I typed while Randy dictated his thoughts because apparently he failed typing 101 and remedial typing. I remember thinking many times, “I didn’t sign up for this”, but actually I did. I began to realize what “for better or worse” really means.

We were ill prepared for the duties of a minister and spouse, but God has a way of throwing you right in and making decisions that help you learn, mature and grow.

After graduation from seminary, Randy served two years as an associate pastor in Dalton, Ga., and I taught. Before I knew it, the District Superintendent came calling, and he sent us to our first church, a circuit near Covington Georgia and left us with these words; “Love these folks, minister to them, grow these churches and spread the word of God.” I’m afraid I had no idea what was wrapped up in those few words. I love to say, “If I had known then, what I know now,” but that’s not really true, I would change nothing!

Some people think that a minister’s job is easy – after all, he just works one day a week (I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that). I would have probably agreed forty eight years ago. The truth is, Sunday is the easy part, it’s the day to day ministry that makes you strong and humble in what you do. God took us and placed us in every new situation to teach us exactly what He needed and use that to help others.

In Newborn, we had a darling older lady by the name of Eleanor. She lived alone, but she had neighbors close to check on her. One night around three in the morning, the parsonage phone rang, I answered, and she asked me to send Randy over quickly. Thinking she was sick or dying, he got up, threw on clothes and went over. When he returned, he was smiling. I asked what happened, and he said, “Miss Eleanor fell out of bed and she couldn’t get up. I picked her up and put her back in bed. When I asked why she didn’t call a neighbor she said, ‘Oh, Randy, I have my nightgown on – I can’t let a man see me in my nightgown’.” These kinds of events that we share, made a marriage and a ministry stronger. You just can’t make these stories up!

I sometimes used to wonder if God had given us a job description what would it have been? Now, I know. It would have been the words that were written above Randy’s desk for all his years in the ministry, “Not Me, But Thee.” Have we always done a good job of keeping those words? No. Have we always tried to follow God’s lead? Yes, I hope so. Did we make mistakes? Yes. Do we have occasion for regrets? Yes. Have we received more than our share of love, mercy and grace? Absolutely. Are we grateful every day? Yes indeed.

I now live by a story told by a married lady who recalls thinking she should make a list when she married of ten faults she would overlook in her husband for the sake of their marriage. She never got around to making that list. Each time he would do something she didn’t like, she’d say to herself, “Lucky for him that’s one of the ten”.

The day of our wedding, Reverend Henry Erwin said these words, “I know you think you are in love today as you stand before the altar, but in years to come, you will shudder to think how shallow your love was on this day. As the years pass, love only grows deeper.” After 48 years, I must agree. A huge thank you to all of the people that have enriched our lives and taught us about love and commitment over these years! Happy Anniversary, Randy!